We are all social beings and it’s a natural tendency to gossip, talk and discuss things with our friends, colleague and family. But did you know the way you talk, the words you use, reveal a lot of things about you and your personality?
According to psychologists, the majority of conversation that people make is characterised by a complaint. This happens because human minds have a negative ‘bias’. As humans, we tend to notice things that are threatening to us. This goes back to the time when being able to spot threats was a crucial part of our survival.
When was the last time you said, you HAD TO do something? Had to go to grocery shopping, had to go meet friends or had to pick up the kids from school, we say all these terms almost so many times a day.
This makes us develop a pessimistic perspective towards life and affects our brain chemistry negatively. The good news is that a tiny language tweak can help – instead of saying ‘I have to’, you can say ‘I got to’. It works because ‘I have to’ sounds like a burden or an obligation while ‘I got to’ sounds like an opportunity. And when we use ‘if you know’ our brain responds very quickly to the way we use language when we talk or think.
Maybe, when you say ‘you have to’, then you are able to do the work for sure but when you say ‘you got to do’, it helps you do the things with more enthusiasm. It brings a sense of opportunity, which has a positive benefit for us.
It’s basically the difference between threat and challenge – not many of us are ready to face a threat but all of us are up for a good challenge or an opportunity.
Emerging psychotherapies like acceptance and commitment therapy focus on small language tweaks, which helps people beat the tough times. Positive thinking includes positive thoughts and positives attitudes, whereas complaining, on the other hand, leave us feeling more threatened, vulnerable and in fear.
Saying ‘I have had some lonely moments’ instead of saying ‘I am lonely leaves’ more room for improvement.
The best part about making these language changes is that they are small and you can start doing them now.